Aaahhh…Get That Ketchup Away From Me! Please.

I probably won’t post too often about food…mostly because at this time in my life I consider myself a terrible cook.  Anytime I attempt cooking, it usually ends up with smoke alarms going off throughout the entire house, little Tia barking her face off because she’s worried about me, stuff boiling over pots and burning itself onto my stove top, and last week I even caught my oven mitt on fire a little bit.  Don’t get me wrong, though…I love to eat (most things….er…some things), and I do make some things well.

Yesterday I needed to pack a small dinner for work.  I didn’t want to cook something up (mostly because I’m not a fan of reheated food), and I was less than inspired to have yet another microwavable pizza (my go-to easy work dinner).  So, I decided to get creative and whip something together…

Mmmm…a chopped jalapeno mixed with cream cheese spread over crackers and topped with salami.  I was a little nervous at first, as I always am when trying a new food combination, but they were actually very good!  I am obsessed with jalapenos right now…I try to put them in everything I can think of!

And you can’t go wrong with some fresh fruit and veggies!  I’m also obsessed with strawberries right now.  I wonder if I could create something that included jalapenos and strawberries…hmmm…what do you think?  All in all, I am very proud of my new little dinner experience!

On the subject of food, however, I’d like to touch on a subject that is very, very, very scary to me.

CONDIMENTS!

I have to be honest…I have an extreme, ridiculoso, absurd, bizarr-o, outrageous, and unbelievable phobia of ALL condiments. Ketchup. Mustard. Honey mustard. Barbecue sauce. MAYONNAISE (I have a crazy sixth-grade head lice story about this particular condiment). Miracle whip. Cocktail sauce…all of which my husband loves. The list could go on and on. When I found out that many recipes for meat loaf called for ketchup a few years ago, I called my mother right away to ask her if she put ketchup in her meat loaf (that I’d been eating all my life thus far). Luckily, she didn’t.

Photo by Tony Cenicola from The New York Times

source

I’m not scared of them because of calories or fat content like one might assume.  So why, you might ask?  I have NO idea! I guess it’s partly from their smells, it’s partly from their textures (which I don’t know from actually having them in my mouth…because that will never happen!), and it’s partly because of the way they look…shiny and slimy and thick and runny all at the same time.  It’s partly due to the way they sound…you know, how when you have to shake the bottle to squeeze it out and a little slurp comes through the hole (bleh! I’m getting sick just thinking about it!)  I can’t honestly tell you that it’s because of the way they taste.  I haven’t tasted any recently enough to actually know if they taste gross according to my taste buds, but my olfactory receptors sense that they smell in such a way that I wouldn’t desire their tastes.

Will I ever get over this phobia?  My guess is probably not…mostly because I’m so grossed out by condiments that I’m not motivated to like them.  My husband begs to differ.  We have a bet that by the time I’m eighty years old I will be eating ketchup and barbecue sauce.  Whoever loses the bet owes the other person a full body massage.

At least I know I can look forward to getting that massage when I’m eighty!

However, all in all, I can say that as I keep getting older, I am starting to enjoy more and more foods that I never thought I would…and I am happy for that!

ang

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5 thoughts on “Aaahhh…Get That Ketchup Away From Me! Please.

  1. you are funny! i will never forget the time in some fast food restaurant when someone accidentally flung a piece of ham with mustard and mayo onto your leg. good times! 🙂

  2. i just remember the time i spent $25 at a all you can eat buffet restaurant and you insisted on having that…………..your plate included dill pickles some carrots and sunflower seeds and maybe a few cherry tomatoes! I laugh now, guess it wasnt funny then! 🙂 but however picky you were you were kinda cute about it all. But let me tell you I have a picture of you in a high chair eating spaghetti and meat balls and yes the spaghetti actually had SAUCE on it!

  3. High Five to setting smoke alarms off! I do too! lol! We have a routine now, my son goes over and opens windows, and waves a towel under the smoke alarm ; )

    I really dont use condiments, I dont not like them but I never have a use for them in my daily eats!

    have a great day!! xoxo ❤

  4. I am a very plain eater (as you know) and dislike most condiments too. The only one I am ok with is ketchup! My mom still says “ohhh someday you will grow to like it”. about various foods and sauces… I DOUBT IT!!

  5. Pingback: ‘Fraidy-Pants Friday |

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