It’s a Love Hate Relationship

If I had a relationship with running on facebook, I would definitely choose the status that says, “It’s complicated.”

I’ve participated in sports since I was a little girl…and I hated conditioning! I hated running sprints, I hated running distances, I hated running suicides, I hated running any distance for any extended period of time. When I ran track in eighth grade I was certain that I suffered from shin splints…now looking back, I’m pretty sure I had a psychological case of any illness that required me to run less…not shin splints. I hated running because it was hard. However, I also hated losing at anything I did…so I worked my little gooloo off to become the best runner I could be so that I could be the best at my sport.

After I depleted all my opportunities to play team sports in high school, I felt a little bit lost. How was I going to stay fit and active? I loved sports, but I still didn’t enjoy running. How would I make myself run if I didn’t have a coach making me run anymore?

It was a sad time…the tennis shoes got pushed back in the closet…

At one time in my life, I had this crazy idea that I wanted to lose weight. I thought I would be so much happier if I was…oh, I don’t know…five pounds lighter. Did I need to lose weight? No, not at all. ย Then I thought I’d be happier ten pounds lighter. My ideal number for happiness kept getting smaller and smaller. I feel lucky that I can look back now with perspective on the subject. I know that weight loss does not equal happiness.

I ran. I thought it would be the best way for me to lose weight. I would weigh myself, then workout, then immediately weigh myself again in the hopes that I would have lost some weight.

I still hated running.

I hated running because it was a means of negatively judging myself. I ran because I wanted to lose weight. Running was miserable.

At the beginning of this year, I set a goal to run a half marathon, and I was completely committed to make this happen. I printed off a twelve week plan and stuck to it. I didn’t really think about whether or not I was enjoying running. After my first race in February I had an epiphany. I actually had fun running. It almost sounded like an oxymoron to me…fun and running.

I have thoroughly enjoyed running this year. I love being able to cross off another workout on my plan. I love being able to finish a new distance for my long runs. I realized that when I stopped running as a means of weight loss or weight control, and focused on my positive goals…a half marathon, to become stronger, to have a healthy heart, I began to absolutely love it!

Don’t get me wrong. My legs are tired! ย I feel like I have a new muscle strain everyday. And I do have bad runs…lots of them. Perfect example…this weekend. I had my last long run (11 miles) before my half marathon this Saturday. I was excited to run because the sun was out and it was the warmest day of the year so far so I didn’t have to run on the treadmill. I drove to campus and started running…after four miles I felt like I was not going to be able to finish. After five miles I stopped for water and chugged half my water bottle. I continued running, and after two more miles I needed more water. I stopped and finished my water bottle, then continued running. Two more miles later I needed more water, so I ran up to the Student Rec Center and filled up. This cycle continued until I finished all eleven miles. I felt like death. I thought to myself, how will I ever finish a half marathon when I almost died running eleven today?! I told myself after next Saturday I would never run again!

Then afterward, I feltย so accomplished. I was amazed with myself. Yes, it was extremely difficult…but I finished. I really ran eleven miles.

I am definitely looking forward to tapering this week, and I am beyond excited for the race on Saturday. I know that I will complete the half marathon, and maybe I will surprise myself. I am also looking forward to taking a little break from running. I don’t know how long yet…it may only last a day or two, or maybe I will take two or three whole weeks off. I plan on listening to my body and doing what it tells me! I do plan on continuing running while I still love it. I am still playing with the idea of running a full marathon this year. We will see! ๐Ÿ™‚

Why do you love or hate running?

What do you love to do?

What are some things you hate to do?




13 thoughts on “It’s a Love Hate Relationship

  1. I soooo know what you mean!! I’m currently struggling to find my run-groove again but I know it’s there. It’s a workout I never thought I’d love but after discovering that I can run afterall (I always thought I was NOT cut out for running), I’ve learned to love it. I also know what you mean about feeling so accomplished after conquering new mileages leading into a race like a half. It HURTS to get through but is so worth it in the end. Wishing you lots of luck on Saturday!!

    • Thank you so much! I never thought I was meant to be a runner, either. An athlete, maybe, but no runner! It’s crazy how you can change your mind about something! Good luck finding your groove again!

  2. I feel you! Even though I think I love running most of the time, I hit this point midway through where I question myself. And then when I’m done I think how awesome I am. We’re really similar there! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m taking a mini-break right now while I get my heart medicine straightened out. But I’m still doing a 5K race series every Friday in April – so I guess it’s not too much of a break… but at least it’s more manageable!
    Good luck on your half marathon! You’ll do great ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. I am super new to running. I hate it and I never found any joy in it. I used to run every morning when I went to the gym, but it was more just a routine I had gotten into more than logging miles and time. After going to the Pittsburgh Marathon last year, I got inspired I guess you could say. I signed up for a 5K that was taking place in 2 weeks. I ran it and then never ran again until I signed up for my 10K this year. Now, after finishing my 10K, I am so amazed that I actually ran for almost an hour without stopping! I felt like I accomplished the most amazing feat! It has given me motivation to keep doing races and eventually move onto a half! I have a hate relationship with running that is slowly turning into a love one. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Ohhh what a wonderful Post!!!! I usually love running, but I also have my poor runs! I can’t WAIT to see and hear how the half marathon goes…. you’ll be SO GREAT!!! And congrats on pushing through that 11 miler, what an accomplishment!!!

  5. If my running relationship were on facebook it would say ‘in a relationship’ for a week then it would say ‘single’ the next. I am sooo soo inconsistent when it comes to my runs and I need a better routine. A workout I hate – pilates! I cant stand mat pilates! I have done the reformer and love that but cant stand the mat and I have no idea why. Its probably a mental hate at this point!

  6. This is a great post. I hate running, and used to force myself to try to love it just cuz everyone else did. I don’t run as much anymore because it kills my knees, so I found other ways to workout. But it’s the only workout my bf will do so the only time I run is with him because it’s good quality time together. I’ve even thought about signing up for our first 5K just to have some kind of real goal. I’m a long ways (and possibly knee surgery away from a marathon, but who knows! the achievement is addicting!)

  7. I love the way I feel after I run and I love the clarity/place my mind goes when I run, but I hate the pain my knees experience and the fact that I’ve been told there is nothing that can be done. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I don’t get the feeling I get from running from any other exercise and my body doesn’t seem to respond to other forms either. So, I run, just not far and not fast!

  8. i had a hate-hate relationship with running until 2007 before which you couldn’t have paid me to run unless it was for a sport. in’07 i discarded my doctor’s recommendations and picked up running…and now i love and crave the ‘runners high.’

    I’m so excited for you to run your half marathon — you can totally do it! i’ll be cheerin’ for you from california! and remember: the first (especially long) race is all about proving to yourself you can do it, and accomplishing a milestone in your life. the second one you work on one-upping yourself ๐Ÿ˜‰

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